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perSCRIPTion by Patrick "pH" Hampton Challenge Updates
I'm going to be using this thread to discuss the advancements of my screenplay, "perSCRIPTion".

Day 1
Voice:
This project is based of personal experience I had. There are documents, films, and recordings to support this story 100%.

Log-Line:
Based off a true story. "A patient is hysterically dragged into a northern Albertan psychiatric ward stating he's a genius, spiritual master, and a Hollywood up -and-comer. Is he delusional, a drug addict, or telling the truth. Only the doctor can diagnosis the, perSCRIPTion."

**Celebrity cameos.
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Act 1 - Admission
"Patient is brought into the ward presenting symptoms of mania and delusions stating that he is a spiritual expert and genius."

Act 2 - Remission
"Patient confesses to the doctor about how he ended in his situation as he appeals the formal certificates holding him prison."

Act 3 - Demission
"Patient speaks at his appeal board hearing to a panel of doctors with over 135+ years experience as his doctor releases their results."
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266 week(s) ago
Daphne Lamm
Gotta love mind-game, surreal, almost-sane stuff. Fun!

Is this a short?
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266 week(s) ago
Daphne it's an indie feature.
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265 week(s) ago
Thank you Max for this Challenge! The biggest one for me is being able to focus on screenwriting! I know I am behind but I'll catchup quick!
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265 week(s) ago
Daphne Lamm
I'm asking because I'm hoping you've got enough material. Looking at those three act loglines, I'm wondering where's the rest of the story.

I think what I'm missing is a sense of narrative. Instead of a sentence that may be a bit too vague and concealing, why don't you add a course of actions?
For example: "When a patient is brought into the ward presenting symptoms of mania and delusions, a compassionate doctor suspects he may be telling the truth. He sets to find out." And: "After Patient reveals to the doctor that he was abducted by a superior cult, hell breaks loose and Character B is forced to bolt."

The way I see it, the act loglines should act as real loglines. Meaning, they present the protagonist pursuing something, running into obstacles, "when this happens, that happens," etc. In other words, something happens. Something drives the story and the hero forward. That way I'll know there's a before and after. A continuity instead of what feels like random scenes.

Know what I mean?
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265 week(s) ago
David Jadunath
Patrick,
Try to place your character at the center of a major task
that brings him(her) to a particular conflict that the audience must
witness. Ask yourself: What is the major fight that will continue
for the entire story?

Using what you wrote down do far, my take on a logline could be:
A patient in a psych ward challenges an institutional diagnosis
to regain his freedom. Visit "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"
Zero in on the fight. See what you think the Jack Nicholson
character's flaw might be. Reel forward to the end of the second
act and see what shakes him down to the ground, until he must
make a moral choice.

A logline leaves the reader with the person and the task. You
would know the results of facing down the 135+ expert panel,
and that should be the climax, i.e., the victory or failure for the
character.
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265 week(s) ago

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