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Logline - Heist drama
An emotionally and physically abused woman takes control of her life by planning and executing a robbery from the family who took her innocence while battling her demons; namely, a sister in a parallel universe who lives the life she would have lived.
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You had me until "in a parallel universe". Is this a heist/revenge drama or a sci-fi alternative reality movie? You are mixing two genres that generally do not go together. I would suggest adding the word "inner" before "demons", turning that semi-colon into a period and dropping the ending fragment.
From your log line it seems as if you were going to concentrate on the fact that she was abused and going for revenge against those who wronged her which would totally work BUT then you tack on the sci-fi add-on which doesn't make any sense. If you're going to write sci-fi, write sci-fi. If you're writing a psychological drama, don't dilute it by arbitrarily throwing in elements that may ultimately weaken your story.
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265 week(s) ago
I really love the parallel universe aspect and think you should rewrite for sci-fi as Anthony suggests. "inner" makes sense also if you are not going sci-fi.
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265 week(s) ago
Carlos Speziali
I have to agree with James and Anthony. The parallel universe aspect is really what can make this story unique :)
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265 week(s) ago
Thanks for the feedback. I wasn't going for sci-fi. I'll go with inner demons. The point is she does "see" her sister but it wouldn't be revealed until the end that the sister is only in her head because she died and was a twin. BUT since I am still in the preliminary stage I might go with sci-fi. I will have to see where this story takes me as I develop it with this course.
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265 week(s) ago
Deborah Stokes
Nice story. Good twist at the end.
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265 week(s) ago

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