I dismiss all charges lol.
Thank you for the summary, honestly, I was not expecting so much of the story to be fleshed out from that original summary. So kudos to you sir.
1. Our hero - Defining trait: paraplegic (sympathy/possible underdog), determined, survivor, identity thief, work-camp escapee.
2. Goal - survive/attain the love of Betty/become rich and powerful mob boss/Hide true identity.
3. Conflict - FBI/Mob. Possible dramatic irony: He's a scant, must keep secret (even from Betty? Dramatic irony? Traditional RomCom plot device?)
(motivation seems to acquire love of Betty, and that puts pressure on the conflict that arises of true identity from both Mob/FBI? Possible: cybernetic terminator like agents?Scants are now being killed in work-camps?)
Questions that remain: I'm not sure how cleft works, so I apologize! Maybe I don't need to know, after-all it's just a logline you're after. Which, I think works really well already, so very good job! However, the new summary does say something in me that thinks it could be more concise. There's a whole world building prospect here that I have no clue about. So I may not have the 'faculty' to actually help any further. i.e. Do people know about cleft? Do they just believe what the identity card says since it's classed as permanent? why not have cyber-robot work camps? (maybe he met the dude who created it in the camp? and that's how he is the only one that can do it...) Anyways, I don't mean to infringe on your story because I think there's so many directions you could take it/
In the future, a work-camp escapee masters the art of electronic identity theft to take over a small mafia family and must survive friend and foe alike to build an empire.
HERO/GOAL/CONFLICT are met. And I agree, I think this needs a SET-UP line in the beginning so it all makes sense, as you've done "In the future".
My personal Tips:
1. I would try honing in on the actual conflict. Think specific.
2. Is there a more defined/better adj for him? a paraplegic? work-camp survivor? thief? determined? Hapless?
This is my take. It's rough. And I apologize if I've infringed on your idea, it's just how I felt after reading the New Summary and Original Logline: here goes...
A hapless paraplegic is mistaken for a mobster by the FBI, and becomes torn between his mission to rise in rank, and protecting the woman he loves.
Granted: this isn't actually your mix of movies. It's more closely related to North by Northwest and any old Romcom (not that this is a romcom, but for the identity love-interest thing between scants and citizens). SO!:
HERO: A hapless paraplegic (we'll find out in the story why...)
GOAL: To protect the woman he loves (along with his identity)
CONFLICT: Incarceration by FBI/Death by Mob/And internal stakes. lol
Possible Themes: Can't hide from your past/Love conquers all/Power corrupts absolutely/etc..
Note: I feel a lot of the DRAMA will stem from Charlie's relationship with Betty. Am I wrong? I like how she may be a citizen and think that scants aren't to be trusted, possibly in her backstory, or cultural society prejudice. Maybe she's a mob therapist? And so he needs to keep his true identity hidden, maybe scants have a record, they are labelled, he can get his citizenship if he WORKS with the FBI? Anyways, so many possibilities and I love it! I love how even his original motivation may be even to take her out of this mob life (at first) because to him, it's just like another work camp, and maybe she can't see that or she does?? I'm just really excited about that Summary, haha, sorry, so many scenes to come to mind, and it really does play out well from Act 1: Status quo, escape camp, Cleft for citizen identity, introduce Betty? life will be okay - Plot point 1: Mob/FBI find out about true identity, (they'll tell Betty?) Joins the Mob, (to keep identity?) - Act 2: Does the Cleft for Mob, romantic interest plays up, danger is foreshadowed, mob boss can't be trusted? On a leash, feels like in camp still, needs to find a way out... Therapy session reveals Betty loves that Charlie is powerful or has some riches from Mob (unbeknownst to her) and gives him the courage, as sign to take next step, in relationship to her and mob... and his ultimate rise to power. -Act 2 Turn- FBI (possibly they had him from earlier and he was undercover all along?) okay, I'm gonna stop haha.
265 week(s) ago