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Quick hello and my possible logline
Hello all,

My name is Joe Jones, 28 year old brand new to creative writing. Born outside Los Angeles on a military base, lived in the Silicone Valley area until I was about 12 then moved to St. Louis, Mo due to dad retiring from the military, HOORAH! I am a diesel mechanic by trade. I have worked on, repaired, and maintained all kinds of equipment. Mainly 18 wheelers but I have worked on boats in the Gulf of Mexico, trash trucks in the Mid-west, I even jump-started an airplane recently after getting my pilots license in Texas. I currently run a Diesel Shop out here in West Texas that I founded a couple years ago, So if you're ever broke down in West Texas give me a shout! Anyways, here is my logline I thought to be pretty interesting and full of creative opportunities if done right. I've never attempted to write a script let alone write anything that wasn't assigned to me as homework over a decade ago so bear with me as I grow with you all and try to learn all these new terms and structures, so far its going great! You could say I'm overly excited about my newfound passion for writing as you can see I start rambling pretty easily. I came up with this idea and wrote the logline in about 15 minutes but would love you all's advice if you think this story would by to politically motivated?

I'm going for a comedy, which I maybe gettting over my head but I accept the challenge!

...

Our self-sung hero is an all American nationalist badass that has been tasked with putting together a coalition of diverse Republican mayoral candidates for 3 cities in their upcoming elections. He is joined by his overly anxious OCD assistant that he absolutely hates but comes to realize that they may have more in common then they think. His story leads us on a trail of lies, tears, breakups, scandals, nationalism, sensationalism, and fake news. He has to deal with the many egos of the mayoral candidates, their teams, the restless public and their shrinking attention spans. They are met with opposition from the many fired campaign managers seeking immediate revenge lingering in the shadows and soon form the opposition lead by ex-mayors seeking re-election
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judy Abingdon
Hi Joe, good for you jumping in!
Your passion and enthusiasm is evident, but I think you need to think about editing things down. Loglines in particular need to be short and concise, I believe Tim suggests one or two sentences at max. So perhaps reread his suggestions and try it with concise direct sentences.
Congratulations on your journey
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263 week(s) ago
Great area for a satire!! Just put in what is going on with The Orange Monkey but make it local politics.

Judy is correct - needs to be to the point. You have your protagonist and now need with ONE antagonist or perhaps a series 3 - not more then 4 to follow. OR maybe your hero is the Antagonist and the Mayors are an ensemble of Protags ?

Hope I've helped some.
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263 week(s) ago

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