<

THE FORUM

Forum»Daily Discussion»My first ever logline
My first ever logline
Hi everyone!

This is my first time in the screenplay world and this is my first time writing a screenplay and I've wanted to did for so long. The movie I'm writing is called Doylestown.
Here is my logline

A young successful salesman who gets the job offer of a lifetime in Italy, but he will have to leave his hometown, Doylestown. He is given two weeks to decide to either move to Italy where his dream job is at and leave the town where he's deeply attached to or stay in Doylestown and not get the opportunity.

What do you think? And please if me tips and advice!
Comment (4) Login to Reply privately Login to Report abuse
Tim,

I applaud you jumping right in. Go for it and don't stop. I'm wondering if this is autobiographical? Sounds like it as that is what first time writers usually go to first and it's a great idea to write what you know.

My issues with what you have here as a logline is: No dilemma stated as to a concrete example of what he will leave behind in Doylestown. A love relationship? A ill family member? His own business he is proud of? Your second line is completely a restating of your first line so you can cut that right away and address the reasons why it is a major decision.

It takes outlining an entire story here.

Good luck!

James
Login to Reply privately Login to Report abuse
264 week(s) ago

Hi Tim,
Here is an example of your logline with conflict. The conflict is that he loves his hometown and his dream job, but, is forced to choose one or the other.
It may not be perfectly written, but the idea must include conflict as James mentioned. Try to write it a few times as Timm instructed.

A young, successful salesman must choose between the hometown he loves (or family/true love) and accepting his dream Job in Italy.

Hope it helps.
Best of luck.
Login to Reply privately Login to Report abuse
264 week(s) ago
Molly Alexander
Hi Tim,
I'm sorry, I guess I forgot to log in yesterday, my comment was sent using the account of Harvey Walker. Not sure how it happened.
My apologies to you and Harvey.
Login to Reply privately Login to Report abuse
264 week(s) ago
Molly, I had that happen to me once also!!! James Ridgley
Login to Reply privately Login to Report abuse
263 week(s) ago

To add a comment, please, log in first.

Login