Forum»Daily Discussion»Logline feedback?
Hmm....let's try this again. I appear to have accidentally submitted the thread before I'd actually written it. Anyway, I've been hesitant to put my logline out there for many different reasons--putting things out there for others to see is always difficult, right? But it's all part of the process and if I can't do it here then...yeah.

So anyway, this is what I've got so far:

A once idealistic doctor, Wes Bennett is now an arrogant doctor with a God complex far too large whose interactions with his patients has him struggling to remember why he became a doctor in the first place and what his oath to “do no harm” REALLY means.
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262 week(s) ago
I think what might help here is what the one thing that happens is that makes him rethink his now arrogant views?

Does a patient die on his watch or in an operation?

Does a patient he gives meds to dies from it?

Is he on meds and blunders something?

Does he do something slopy or nasty - having to do with his medial arrogance - and that person commits suicide.

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262 week(s) ago
Molly Alexander

Molly Alexander
Hi Danielle,
Also, his name is not needed in the Logline. Sample: (A once-idealistic doctor, takes a path to ignorance and Godlike arrogance until his mistake (-------)that leads to a consequence) (--------). That makes him realize he is just a man (not a god).

I sincerely hope that helps.

Take a look at these famous movie loglines:
The aging patriarch of an organized crime dynasty transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son.

The lives of two mob hit men, a boxer, a gangster's wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption.

Forrest Gump, while not intelligent, has accidentally been present at many historic moments, but his true love, Jenny Curran, eludes him.

A computer hacker learns from mysterious rebels about the true nature of his reality and his role in the war against its controllers.
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262 week(s) ago
Hi Danielle,

If you return to Tim's logline tips and review the four elements, you may add more punch
to the logline. So far, I learned that if more effort is put into answer the four logline elements,
a great deal of time may be saved, especially for people who have a reduced amount of
writing time.

This exercise may be done while working at other daily tasks. Here are the elements:

-Establishes a character with a problem

-Proves genre

-Shows the unique hook

-Provides the situational recurring moment

I think that your character's task is not focused on the main action of the story, for the
purpose of establishing a logline i.e., the problem is only abstract and internal, so far.
Perhaps, you can try to find an external action and you may be on your way since
you are clear about his arrogance and misbehavior that needs correction.

Brainstorm a nemesis/main opposition that will create a problem, forms the bane
of the character's existence, and which the character needs to resolve. Set up the
doctor in a situation where he flows along without reproach for his arrogance
that is flawed behavior covering up some painful experience in the past,
until he runs out of flaw and has to rethink his attitude.

Here is a workable logline for "Miss Congeniality".

A tomboy FBI agent goes undercover at the American Miss Pageant to solve
an important case until the event receives a formidable threat where
she must learn to be a tough woman, to avoid being thrown off the case,
and out of the bureau.

Find a situation for the doctor where the stakes are raised and which puts
him to the test of medical and people skills.

Using the template, you may have: An arrogant doctor is scheduled to perform
a life-threatening surgical procedure in order to keep his license after a patient
died due to his negligence, but he must convince four junior operating room staff
with up-to-date knowledge, to work with him.

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261 week(s) ago

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