‘SNL’: Colin Jost Tells Lorne Michaels to ‘Retire Bitch,’ Offers to Do ‘Anything to Run the Show’ in Weekend Update Joke Swap | Video

Colin Jost and Michael Che held their annual “Weekend Update” joke swap during the “SNL” Season 50 Finale on Saturday. And Che hit Jost hard from the jump by writing a tribute to “Saturday Night Live’ boss Lorne Michaels for Jost to read.

The tribute: “Retire Bitch!”

Watch the clip below

In case you forgot, the joke swap involves Che and Jost writing jokes for one another that neither are allowed to see until the episode is filmed. Obviously they’re written for maximum embarassment.

The joke about Michaels happened as Jost let the audience know they were doing the swap, adding “before we start, it’s SNL, 50th season. So I want to take a moment to say something to our boss, Lorne Michaels.” Followed by the joke.

Next, Jost was forced to tell a joke about how CBS is airing the first daytime soap with a majority Black cast. The punchline: “It’ll air when black people are home from work, 24 hours a day.”

Next, a horrified Jost, reading from Che’s script, said, “so since you like that, here’s another,” and this time the punch line was, “It’s called All My Children don’t know who their dads are.”

Next, Che read a joke by Jost where he said he masturbates during the “Minecraft” movie, adding that he liked it so much, “I haven’t been that excited since I saw a white woman drink unattended.”

After another exchange, They brought out Scarlett Johansson — Jost’s real life wife. “SNL” viewers will remember that last year Che wrote some really tasteless jokes for Jost to tell about her last season. So this time Jost wrote an ‘apology’ for Che to say.

“The fact is, I was just lashing out because I’m jealous. I’ve never even seen a human vagina,” Che told Johansson. “And notice I said ‘human,’ because I once spent the summer on a farm.”

“I can’t even take my hoodie off during sex because I have more nipples than a pregnant dog,” Che also read, after which he turned to Jost and said, “I’m sorry too, because I owe you everything. When Colin discovered me, I was selling crack… and now look at me selling crack.”

After joking he’s “gotten dozens of laughs,” during his tenure on the show, Che added, “but I’ve never said the three most important words of all, I love you.”

The joke swap ended with this joke, read by Jost:

“Some psychologists say adults can reduce stress by returning to a childhood hobby, which is why I returned to my favorite childhood hobby, topping off priests with my pretty little mouth,” Jost said. At this point, still reading from Che’s script, he grabbed some lipstick on and, cracking up, added, “I’ll do anything to run this show.”

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